Go Drink Outside

     At one of our regular meetings contributor Layla Cioffi thought it would be a good idea to highlight Seattle’s best places to huff gas in public.  Since none of the other staff members huff gasoline or trust Layla’s sense of proper décorum, we decided to tone it down a bit. Besides, gas prices are just silly these days. 

(FYI: *** means we really recommend it.)

Greenwood                                                             

Olive You, (8516 Greenwood Ave N, 98103)

     In middle school you'd mouth the words "olive you" to someone across the room and they'd think you were saying "I love you," and you'd laugh like a middle schooler.   But there's no reason to giggle at Olive You on Greenwood, because these Greeks mean it: they love you.  And they show you they love you with huge helpings of fresh calamari, Spaten on tap, and Friday night belly dancing. Come here to shop for cheeses and olives at the deli, or sit out on the sidewalk and dilute your ouzo with water till it turns white. Regardless, Olive You's cheap decor perfectly simulates the ambience of a taverna in Athens. Opa!

Green Lake                                                            

     The Luau Polynesian Lounge in Tangletown has a decent patio, Polynesian décor, refreshing Pina Coladas and three dollar drafts during Happy Hour, which is from noon to 6 everyday, and that is god damned ridiculous.  Noon to 6 contains a lot of hours: a lot of happy hours.  The PuPu Platter is also divine.

Ballard                                                                   

The Locks, (3015 NW 54th St)

     The Hiram M. Chittendam Locks -- and Commodore Park on the east bank -- are a great place to drink outside, because in a place like that, who would suspect you?  Here’s what you do: get as twisted as you can possibly stand and wander around the Arboretum until you can’t tell your ass from your face.  No one will care.

     The Taproom at Maritime Brewery in Ballard has a somewhat drab patio, but there’s plenty of room and the beer is delicious.  The Taproom opens at eleven AM six days a week (closed Sundays) so you can get your drink on nice and early.  On every other Friday, there’s also a Brewer’s Choice Keg, which more often than not yields one-time-only opportunities for the beer aficionado.  If you feel like snacking, we recommend the smoked onion rings. 

Ray’s Boathouse, (6049 Seaview Ave NW, 98107)

     I know what you’re saying: “Ray’s Boathouse is touristy, snobby, and over-priced.”  Yes, but the view is fucking sick.  They also make a mean Mojito and have a pretty good happy hour.  Check it out, for sure.

Magnolia                                                                

     This little gem can be found off to your left about a half mile after crossing the Magnolia Bridge.  The park drops down toward the water and is equipped with picnic tables and grills, so you can cook out while you drink your Cook’s mimosas.  And yes, there is a bathroom so you don’t have to hold it or pee behind a tree.  Also, “Slap” has had some special moments there.

The U District                                                        

     Agua Verde is fucking awesome.  The food is awesome.  The margaritas are awesome.  Sitting outside and staring vacantly out across Portage Bay is awesome.  Go to Agua Verde.  It is fucking awesome.  Also, the Kite staff unanimously agrees that it is the best place to drink outside in Seattle.

     Shultzy’s in the U District has wicked awesome sausages and a nice deck hidden away from the street, if you can find a place to sit when it’s not packed with UW students.

Fremont/Wallingford                                                 

     A former UW frat boy might remark “this place is totally rad, and there’s lots of slutty chicks on the weekend.  Buy them a Chocolate Cake shot from the patio bar, and you’re guaranteed to hit that shit.”  So, if like the rest of the Fremont weekend crowd, you’re an aging frat boy who only ever made it through Wallingford, go to the Red Door. Otherwise don’t waste your time.  It kind of sucks, but it does have a really big patio and good food.

     The Dock is fairly low key for a Fremont bar (because it's actually a Wallingford bar), and has a nice, shady outdoor seating area.  We like the Dock and can only hope that the Dock likes us back.

     Just past the Pro-robics or whatever it is there are a number of places where you can walk off of the Burke-Gilman Trail and sit along the canal, concealed from the bikers and joggers just behind you.  As evidenced by the array of crushed and sun-bleached beer cans under the shrubs, this is an excellent and cost-effective retreat from your Fremont Market shopping.

     Nectar has a great happy hour, some of the best hummus in the city, and a south-facing patio with ample shade.  So if you want to catch some sun but your pale Irish friend doesn’t, Nectar is the place to go.

     Very few people seem to know that this park exists.  Raised above the street and surrounded by high hedges, it is an ideal place to bring a case of cheap beer, a few Frisbees, maybe a kick ball or two, and an unabashed sense of indecency...just wait for the kids to stop their soccer game, of course.

     We love this bar.  Go there.  Buy a drink.  Go downstairs, turn left a couple of times, and suddenly you’re in what used to be someone’s back yard.  What happened was the house became a bar, and the back yard, under the owner's wife's direction, became a public garden to drink in.  Genius.  You won't even need a wet-nap if Mugsy the Dachshund is around.

     If you’re in the mood for shitty service and shittier food, go to Ozzie’s.  The hamburgers (while seemingly made from sawdust) are only two dollars during happy hour, though, and the roof-top patio has a menagerie of lawn furniture you haven’t seen since 1987.  We also recommend ordering your drinks two at a time, since the servers here like to make a contest out of forgetting their customers ever existed.

     Here’s a way to get drunk in public for less then ten eight dollars: go to Larry’s Market at the bottom of Queen Anne and buy a 20 ounce bottle of coke, sprite, whatever.  Next walk to the liquor store a block south.  Buy the cheapest pint of booze you can find.  Then walk into the alley around back and pour that pint into the empty half of your soda or juice bottle.  Finally, head over to the Seattle Center, maybe sit by the fountain for a while, play some arcade games, I don’t care.  Just try not to make a face like you’re drinking turpentine, because that’s what a one-to-one ration of cheap booze and anything else often tastes like.

     Best. Margarita. Ever.  And a really nice roof-top patio to boot. 

     Bolivian fair is Copacabana Cafe's specialty, and so is delicious sangria. Located in Pike Place Market, this extra-long balcony is perfect for sipping wonderful new South American brews whilst the sun casts long shadows on your paella-laden lips.  And it is situated just above the absolute best Greek deli in Seattle, Mr. D's Greek Delicacies. Double whammy!

     While a bit over-priced ($5 pints!), Elephant and Castle has three tiers of outdoor seating, all below street level.  The effect is wonderfully disorienting, as it’s easy to forget that you’re sitting at a bar on Fifth Avenue in the middle of downtown.

     The Roanoke is your standard tavern with fifteen taps, a full bar, and super friendly service. But around back you can play ping-pong at one of two tables under the sweet scented shade of sumac trees.  Ping-pong outside!  Roanoke Tavern, if you had a hand, we would surely shake it.

     Sorella's, with The Attic and Cactus just next door, all have ample outdoor seating by Madison Park.  Want a margarita in a lively setting?  Go to The Cactus.  A beer in a more relaxed environ?  The Attic is the place for you.  A glass of wine on a European style patio with a great view of Lake Washington?  Sorella’s, for sure.  When you’re done getting sauced, walk across the street to Madison Park and pass out on the beach.  Somebody will wake you up, eventually.

Misc.                                                                      

Argosy Cruises:

     If you’re feeling decadent, touristy, or both, pay the fifteen or twenty dollars for an Argosy Cruise.  All the boats have a full bar and a few bottles of beer, which you can enjoy while an exceptionally perky captain motors you about Lake Union, Lake Washington and Elliott Bay as he regales you with Seattle lore.  This is an ideal choice when the fam’s in town for a visit and you need a good buzz to be an even better tour-guide.

Mariner’s Games:

     Drinking and watching baseball is a lot of fun, especially when you’re doing it outside.  If you like, you can even make a game out of it.  Take a sip of your $7 beer for every strike, ball, base-hit, and walk.  Take two for every time Ichiro does that little thing with his shirt sleeve.  They quit selling beer after the fifth inning, so don’t fuck around.  Also, don’t ever go to Pyramid Brewery’s Beer Garden.  It’s tacky and people won’t respect you for it.

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     There you have it, Seattle.  Now get out there and get drinking...

IT'S SUMMER TIME!

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