The Seattle Kite Stumbles into SAM's Grand Reopening

Monday May 14, 2007  by The Seattle Kite Staff

Allen Keene: Five members of the Seattle Kite staff met at eleven o’clock on Cinco de Mayo at the 5 Spot, perched atop Queen Anne hill.  After imbibing several of the best margaritas any of us could or would remember, we set upon our predetermined task: going to the new Seattle Art Museum’s grand reopening, a 35 hour extravaganza fueled by Mexican booze, good hygiene, an undyingly pretentious commitment to the arts, and Warhol style drug binges.  While we missed out on the drug binges (most likely carried out behind closed doors by an army of middle aged docents) we got a heaping helping of everything else.  This is our impression of the new SAM, its grand reopening, and the people we saw there. 

"Slap" Jackson:  I was excited to go inside.  Maybe it was the hundreds of people waiting in line outside.

Allen Keene: Or maybe it was from drinking an armful of tequila.  I, for one, tried not to drink too much so as to maintain a certain degree of professional acumen, but still. 

"Slap" Jackson: You were in far better shape than Jamie, that’s for sure.

Jamie Pater: Fuck you.  I don’t want to talk about it.

Allen Keene: Do you even remember being there?

Jamie Pater: Bits and pieces.  I remember losing my ticket to get in and having to get another one, with you guys going in forty minutes before me.  I remember trying to flirt with a very tall woman standing behind me in line.  I remember liking the new gallery space a whole lot.  I remember liking some of the art, hating some, and wanting to punch a security guard for telling me to get off my cell phone while I was drunk dialing.  I also remember trying to formulate cogent thoughts on Seattle’s uber-pretentious, horn-rimmed glasses wearing, auto-fellating gallery scenesters.  They make me so mad.

"Slap" Jackson:  Hey, I wear horn-rimmed glasses! 

Jamie Pater: And I hate you.  I also question your taste in art.

"Slap" Jackson:  But the space is incredible and the new acquisitions are completely worth checking out.  Finally Seattle’s art scene feels like it’s competing with larger cities like Vancouver, San Francisco, or NYC.  But even though I loved the more modern approach the new SAM takes to presenting art, it doesn’t do anything strikingly different from what NYC accomplished in the 60’s.  We don’t need another Whitney Museum or Guggenheim wannabe.

Salieri McBride:  The long lines, bold fashion and hard-assed bouncers made an art museum the flyest joint in town, if only for a night.  I saw more people in the museum at 3:00 AM than I have ever seen in a museum in Seattle.  Congrats to SAM for that. 

Allen Keene:  I agree.  It was an unique experience for Seattle.

Salieri McBride: Too bad that after waiting for an hour to get in all I got was one DJ and an art museum. I give it a C+.

Naoki Inoue:  I was pleased to see that Seattle cannot dance to terrible Drum 'n Bass. If only the rest of the world were so virginal and un-corrupted.

Allen Keene: I found myself watching the people dance longer than I looked at any one piece of art.  When I go back, the art will still be there.  The bad dancers will not.

Salieri McBride: The much-ballyhooed dance floor was also a passageway between exhibits which torpedoed any hope of a nice semi-private atmosphere.  Six people were dancing, and they were doing it just to prove they didn't feel as self-conscious as they looked.  Upstairs there was an...art museum.  It was 3:00 AM.  I was too tired to walk through a freaking art museum.  Having almost instantly run out of things to do, I left.

"Slap" Jackson:  I would recommend people check out Do-Ho Suh’s Some/One armor, Jason Puccinelli’s video installation, Cartoon Forest, and Katarina Fritsch’s sculpture of a large black rat standing on a sleeping man’s chest.

Jamie Pater: I was surprised to see Brancussi’s Bird in Space.  I’ve always wanted to see that sculpture and it totally snuck up on me.  I love that experience with art.  It doesn’t happen very often.

Allen Keene: I’m amazed that we’re wrapping this article up without a full review from you, Jamie.

Jamie Pater: My complete report is forth coming.

Allen Keene: Slap?  Anybody else?

Layla Cioffi: I was not at the SAM grand reopening.

"Slap" Jackson: Nope.  That does it.  Go to SAM.  SAM is cool.

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